Guitarist
jokes
How
do you get a guitarist to play softer?
Give him music to read.
Guitarist
is performing in a small bar, and getting a few requests in return for money.
Towards the end of the night, a man walksup with a wad of bills in his hand
and asks him to play a jazz chord. He plays an Amaj7. The man says, "No, no.
A jazz chord." So the guitarist does a little improvisational thing, but the
guy doesn't like that either. "No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz
chord, to say, ah love you.'"
Q:
What do a guitar player and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a 1-in-3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Q:
If you see a guitar player on a bicycle, why would you swerve to avoid hitting
him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q
- What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.
Why
are guitarist jokes so short?
So drummers can understand them.
Q:
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Bassist
Jokes
A
man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with money
for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father
asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the
second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies,
"This time I learned the first five notes on the A string."
One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes
and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?"
"Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"
Q:
What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
A: Drive-by bass solos.
A tour
manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of
the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was.
"That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player,
"And we're on stage in five minutes."
"So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager.
"He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.
Did
you hear about the bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?
Why
do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
A
man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the
island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island.
As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming
will go on. The native casts about nervously and says, "very bad when
drumming stop." At the end of the day, the drumming is still going, and
it is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming
will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very
unpleasant. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries
off. After a couple of days with little or no sleep, our traveler is finally
fed up, he grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts
"What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
" Bass solo"
